Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
