i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
