Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
