it was like having sex with a tree stump
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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