you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Randomize
