when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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