i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
