I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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