I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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