I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Randomize
