Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
