You're so nebulous sometimes
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
