I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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