Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
i've created a new STD.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
