pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
