Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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