On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
