What did we do last night that was yellow?
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
so much tequila, so little girl.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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