I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
pop tarts are not kleenex
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Randomize
