dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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