I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
