literally had 100 drinks last night.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Randomize
