I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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