is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
