i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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