We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Randomize
