This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
