Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
