**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
