life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
