I'm drive I can fine osifer
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
