your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
