yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
