Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
