i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
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