We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
