Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
