I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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