Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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