Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
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