She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
