Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
