I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
