I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
