plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Can I color on your dick again?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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