it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
