my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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