I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
