It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
