You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
