i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
